Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Letter to Grandma

On Saturday just gone my Grandmother lost her fight against bone cancer. I can't believe she fought so hard for so long. We attended her funeral yesterday and I read her this letter:


When I think of you, I think of dresses you sewed for me when I was a little girl. I think of asking you to teach me to knit, and you patiently trying to do so. I then think of you finding a new craft to teach me better suited to my skill level– tying pre cut strands of material onto a wire hanger, and I think of the pride I felt at being able to do and complete something with and for you.

Thinking of you I am reminded of “kids” wine at Christmas, puddings with lucky coins inside and little knives and forks for Sean and I. I have flash backs of sitting in the kitchen playing UNO with you and Sean & how you would call every card that wasn't a number card a “horrible” or “nasty” card.

When I think of you Grandma I think of Pots of tea, and dinners that smell like no other dinners have or ever will. I think of hours of sitting at the dining table with you & pop polishing that ever growing spoon collection. I remember how much I loved sitting with you both, feeling a part of something, feeling important, loved, needed and included. To many people that would probably sound silly, but I hope you know Grandma just how important that was to me, just how special you and pop made me feel when you were on the phone to Dad & would tell me you would be needing my help soon to make those spoons shine. I hope you know how wonderful and exciting it was to sit & listen to you and Pop share the memories and travels those spoons held for you both, that the time I got to spend with you was more important to me than the pocket money you insisted on giving me for my efforts.

When I think of you Grandma I remember you crying at the reading Dad did at my wedding, that was inspired by your own love and marriage. I think of you meeting my twin babies Maddi and Bella for the first time and watching you instantly fall in love, and again when you were wheeled into the hospital to visit me and meet our youngest Lilli. I think of the beautiful smile on your face when my girls would kiss and cuddle you and perform what they had learnt at school, and how you would always shower them with praise.

Out of all the memories I have of you grandma, the thing I remember most of all is the way you took Mum, Sean and I into your family and into your heart. I remember how beautiful it felt when you told me I could call Pop, Pop and you Grandma, and how funny I thought it was when you told me, “not Nan or Nanna I don't like that”. That may have been the day I decided that I too would be called Grandma when my time came.

I've known from the beginning that life would have been very different had your arms and hearts not been open to us & I can never thank you enough for loving me as your own, and more recently my children as your Great Grand- children.

The last memories I take of you Grandma are of you sharing memories of your own childhood with us, of you telling my husband & I how much you love us and how you shared the secrets of a happy and long lasting marriage. I take the beauty of watching you tap along to my girls performing for you and you telling them they are your 3 darling girls. And Grandma in my last visits with you I will cherish our words of love shared.

Grandma when I think of you, I think:
Family and Beauty.

I love you Grandma & I will miss you dearly, but I find comfort you are once again in your darlings arms. Give Pop an extra hug and kiss for me.

Love Always, Traci xoxoxo

Reading this out was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I was able to get all the way through it and feel so much better knowing I did that for her.

Rest In Peace Gran, I love you xoxo
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