Entering a new phase of my exsistence......

I have tried a couple of times to come back to my beloved blogging after a difficult period but each time it never quite felt right, I couldn't reclaim my little space with comfort and confidence. But I am entering a new and exciting phase of my existence and am a distinguished *scoff* 30 year old now.... and I really want to start blogging again about all the new and exciting (and the boring, mundane and miserable) things happening in my life right now.

BUT so many exciting things have happened while I've been gone and it doesn't feel right leaving such a huge gap in this little blog of my life - even if I'm the only one to read it....

I made some really big changes, and eliminated some negative people and influences. I spring cleaned my life and I have to say, when you clear out the negative it is AMAZING how much positivity flows in to your world.

I made a lot of new friends and started living life a lot more, all of which lead to me having the confidence to do this....

Change my look completely!! I really stepped out of my comfort zone here and the changes since have been many.

I started taking time out for myself - without feeling guilty! Time out used to be time locked away in my room or a candle lit bubble bath (which I still love and frequently enjoy!). Now time out is girls night out with my friends - going to Chicks at the Flicks and dinner, and going to the gym with my friends and family members.

My husband and I went away with our friends to CMC Rocks the Hunter - a country music festival for 3 nights! Kid free for 3 nights was such a weird feeling, something I wouldn't have dreamt of doing. Despite missing our kidlets we had a fantastic time, it was so great for Woodi and I to take time out as a couple and just enjoy one another. Something that we didn't do enough of, but are now making a conscious effort to do more. My hair (although shorter than it's ever been) was let down more in those 4 days than it has been in such a very long time.

We finally got the car we've been wanting for the past 7 years, a Holden Jackaroo! It's my new ride and I love it :o) We have taken it on a few adventures already, one of our fave was 4WDing on Stockton Beach. The kids thought it was amazing that we were driving on the sand and in the dunes. It was so much fun and I even worked up the confidence to take the wheel myself, it was really nerve racking but I felt amazing afterward.

The twins Moo and Boo started playing Soccer this year and after some falling through of coaches I was nominated and have been having a ball with it! Our family have been looking forward to having the girls involved in a sport that we can go along and watch, and are really enjoying it!! We have quite a little cheer family gathered for every game and Loo even wears a pair of the clubs soccer shorts to each game :o)

I started working again and started my own business with the Oasis Homewares franchise, it took a lot to put myself out there again. But I love the products and love working again! I have to admit I love the paper work more though than putting myself out there... It's been hard pushing through my anxiety and various other issues but I gave it my best shot.

For the moment though I am giving Oasis a little break, until I get on top of some of my issues. After over 12 years of suffering from depression and 5 or more from Social Anxiety I am finally on a new and exciting path. I have a team of doctors/specialists with a treatment plan that has me extremely hopeful for a better and brighter future where I can reclaim what these illnesses have taken from - but I thinks that in itself is a post... or three.

So it is with this new and promosing direction in life I feel I have reclaimed my comfort and confidence and want my little bloggy patch back to express my struggles and celebrations of these paths I am taking and the many improvements in my life.... I hope this is the first post back in a long series on Moodi Mumma's Musings xox

Dear Blogger

Father Blogger, it has been 13 days since my last confession blog post (geez it feels like months, especiall coming back to this new blogger interface!!). I have been avoiding you and all things related, I have withdrawn from this world and it has left me feeling a little empty and a little on the outer, but mostly has been really good for me. I have wanted to confess post everyday and have felt guilty when I couldn't bring myself to.... there has been something stopping me. Like a block, a wall... something I just haven't been able to get past. But today I have had some clarity and have pushed past the road block and it's a little un-nerving and exciting all at once.

Confessing Blogging for me started out as a way of coping with my feelings, by writing about them they weren't left floating around like a viscous whirlpool in my at times extremely fragile and overflowing mind. When I started this blog it was to have a blog that was separate from a depression journal and used to celebrate my family and our life together, to document all the good, bad, funny, sad, crazy and mundane things we experience together. Then it became more, through blogger and twitter I started connecting with other Mums and bloggers and following their life stories and got swept into instagram, pinterest, google+, all very addictive. I slowly started down the track of gaining followers and flogging my blog and loving it, but of course with this came a lot of of thinking about what my readers think and may or may not be interested in reading.

When I chose to end a friendship with someone in "real" life for very "real" reasons, things turned very sour. This friend was also involved in all of the above and it turned from something we enjoyed sharing to something that started being used as a weapon. A means of attacking me, spreading lies and turning a private, personal and painful experience into a public slamming. I did my best not to retaliate or turn my blog into a playground for counter attacks, I didn't even bother to defend myself against the cruel lies, or snide comments on other blogs aimed at me. I tried not to let myself be bothered by the comments and support this person was receiving for my false crimes.... but it did bother me because these people were my online friends too, people I had grown to like, respect and admire. And although I didn't know these people personally or in "real" life, it still hurt, because through blogging and the sharing of our lives it feels as though we do know them.

My blog soon came to feel not "real", the things I wrote weren't in any way fake..... but I felt I wasn't able to write about all the things I was feeling and experiencing and wanted to write about. The appeal of blogging and sharing photo's and statuses about my life just disappeared. The thought of someone reading about the things our family are doing, planning to do, and going through and using that against me just became too much. So I stopped. I am hoping that it has been long enough for the interest to have faded away, for this sticky chapter to be over and for me to be able to blog as I feel and experience.

For now I will be focusing on blogging about my family and our life without worrying about what any audience may think, just doing this for myself. Hopefully I will get back into the things I love (reading other blogs, commenting, participating in my fave link-ups, using my blog's facebook page and interacting again) in the not too distant future.

Love Moodi Mumma xoxo